I was asked to post another poem. Sorry it’s late, I didn’t know what I wanted to post. So I’ve decided to get personal and give more of me. Recently I found the man of my dream. But I can tell he’s been hurt repeatedly. So this poem is based off his hurt…

I can take away all your hurt
I’ll forget about all the material things and put you first
I’ll be that shoulder you need to lean on when your day seems the worst
God said ask and you shall receive
I’m here to give you anything you may need
But my love, only if you let me…

I’ve looked into your eyes and yes I saw your pain
You have a wall up and scared to love again
And baby that’s a shame
On this day I promise I’ll never hurt you nor call you out your name
And deep down inside I know you feel the same
But only if you let me…

I want to lay my head on your chest to east the rhythm of your heart
Just want to make your day easier before it starts
I’m here to mend the pain that they done to you
Unknowingly, I already love you
But only if you let me…

Sweet heart, just give me your hand
Let me console you and help you stand
Let me take you far beyond your expectation
I can take you past that lusting sensation
I just need you to open your eyes so you can see
I’ll give you more than the world
But only if you let me…

A best friend & sister gone

I do apologize for this being so late. I’ve been running around like a chicken with my head cut off. So this is just me venting:

Last week I lost my best friend to bone cancer. My mother and her mother grew up together so Denise and I were like sisters. Our birthdays were only 2days apart, 27 years of celebrating birthdays together. I’m my mother’s only child but don’t know what it feels like to not have a sibling until now. I understand the whole “she will always be in my heart” saying. But I’ve never felt this empty before. Last night I forgot she was gone and called her cell just to see what she was doing. But no answer on the other end, and that’s when the reality set in. No matter what time of the day it was, if I called her she would answer and I the same. We made plans for our birthdays to go 2 Vegas, lol our parents finally let us go farther than Atlanta. I know things happen for a reason, but it’s taking me a lot longer to understand the fact that she’s gone. But yes I do have goof-ball pictures of us together that I can look at and smile. Right now it just feels like a in my heart every time I try. I took all the pictures down in my place that had her in it. I’m not sure if that’s cold heart or me trying to get over the hurt. It’s like I’m angry at God for her leaving me, but on top of that I know that God gives life. So right now I’m just trying to inhale and exhale without feeling like my lungs are tight.

Sorry for all my tears….

Non-Violence....

Mark Cheatham, Kahlif Thornton, and Ty Turner, young Atlantic City Firefighters, collaborated to produce an anti-violence music video. In 1997 Mark best friend was caught in an across fired during a gang fight. Kahlif Thornton watched his older brother died at his feet at the age of 9. Ty Turner lost his oldest son to a stray bullet, little Ty was only 4 Just this summer alone in Atlantic City, there have been 6 murders with zero arrests. In a small town, Pleasantville (funny right smh “pleasant”), 5mins outside of the city there were 4 due to someone randomly shooting. The video was an outreach to encouraged young adults and teen to help stop gang violence amongst each other.

From what I’ve noticed in this newer generation, many of them are influenced by “gangsta rap” and are infatuated with the idea of picking up a gun. Personally, I watched one my best friend get pushed against a wall and have a gun held 2 his head and threaten for something he had no part of. Only because he knew the guy they were looking for. At this time we were only in 8th grade. So gun related violence doesn’t have an age nor a heart. Recently, I’ve been working at PAL (Police Athletic League) with my pop and sibling to help them understand that guns are far from the answer to any problem that they may have. In the process I’m learning as well. I never knew how much pain and suffering a person between the ages 5-10 will see or endure during that time frame…

***Non-violence leads to the highest ethics, which is the goal of all evolution. Until we stop harming all other living beings, we are still savages. ~Thomas Edison~***

Friday Nights @ the Sheraton....smh

For some odd reason, Friday night at my job is never a bore. I’ve been at the Sheraton now for 4 and a half year and have yet had a smooth Friday night. For starters, I work 3rd (11pm-8am) shift, so I’ll see any and everything “odd”. Just last night I had some guy come to the desk and ask for a key to his room. And before I can ask him for his ID, I realized that the man was TOTALLY naked. Ok it’s understandable that you’re naked in a hotel. But how did you lock yourself out your room naked? About an hour later, I get a phone call from an elderly lady stating that her 2 puppies got out the room but they’re not on the floor that she’s on. So me being the good M.O.D. that I am. I go upstairs to help her look for her “puppies” and call my security to help also. We get on the 11th floor and no “puppies”, 10th floor no “puppies”. My security and I get to the 9th floor, we spot 2 full-grown German Shepherds coming toward us, and they didn’t look too happy. So after I almost peed on myself, the lady came around the corner and put their leashes on them. All this and it’s only 3 hours into my shift. Maybe around 3:30-4am a taxi pulls up into the driveway and the driver comes in highly upset. He asked me if he could have a few towels to clean up his cab. Apparently, the 2 girls he was dropping off throw up all over his back seat and he had to clean it. I felt bad for the guy but as soon as I got 2 the front door to see if he needed anything, one of the girls throw up all in my front lobby, then 30 second later the other one. About 2 hours go by without a peep and just my luck the phone rings. Its 6am and I have 4 people stuck in an elevator. And of course my engineer can’t get the elevator’s motor to restart, so we have to call the fire department. It’s now 6:35am and the 4 guys are just getting out the elevator to go to their room. At this point I ‘m yearning to go home and lay down. I don’t even remember if I did my paper work….smh Welcome to the Sheraton lol

NEVER SAY "I CAN'T".....

The roots of the MFPA go back to 1956, when Erich Stegmann, a polio-stricken mouth painter, gathered a small band of disabled artists from eight European countries. Their ultimate goal was to make their living through their artistic efforts, and to obtain a sense of work security that until then had eluded them. Coupling his creative abilities with business acumen, Stegmann established the MFPA as a co-operative organization that reproduces its artists work mainly in the form of cards, calendars and books. From the small group he gathered for the inaugural meeting of the Association of Mouth and Foot Painting Artists, the group has now grown to represent approximately 700 members, from over 70 countries around the world. A group of inspiring disabled artists exhibited their work in Hyde Park over the weekend. Alison Lapper opened an exhibition by MFPA in Hyde Park. The artists demonstrated their painting techniques, where a paintbrush is held between the teeth or toes, and answered questions from members of the public. The MFPA are a talented group of artists who, for various reasons, accidents, illness or being born with a disability. They use their mouths or feet to create original works of art.

War in Mexico

In Mexico City, President Felipe Calderon said he would consider a debate on legalizing drugs Tuesday as his government announced that more than 28,000 people have been killed in drug violence since he launched a crackdown against cartels in 2006 but the attorney general said there was “only” 24,800 reported dead (as if there was a huge difference). If my math is correct, that’s between 6,2000-7,000 bodies a year. Authorities have confiscated over 84,000 weapons and about $411mil in US currency and $26mil in pesos. According to national daily Milenio, 1,234 were killed in just July alone, that’s 247 people a week. In addition to the drug wars, gruesome murders appear to be a commonplace. The severed heads of eight men found in pairs along highways in Durango . Seventeen people massacred at a birthday party in Torreon . The bodies of 55 people found dumped in a mine near the town of Taxco . The statistics show that the most deadly violence is happening in northern Mexico close to the U.S. border where smuggling occurs, and in the states where marijuana and heroin are produced. The statistics also do not take into account extortion, robbery or other offenses. Some anti-crime groups say Mexico City is No. 1 in the world in kidnappings for ransoms or cash that a victim is forced to withdraw from ATMs

A Wound Reopened

Kathy Mason, the mother of a murdered CRHS student, fears her daughter’s killer would be released from jail after serving less than half his original 30-year sentence. Peter Henriques has spent the past 13-years incarcerated in various correctional facilities for the murder of his late girlfriend Nielsa Mason on April 28, 1997. Nielsa body was found fully clothed in the boys locker room inside an open locked beaten and strangled. In 2006, an appellate court overturned Henriques’ conviction after the panel found that police improperly interviewed the teenager without his mother being present. Since that time Henriques has been in the Cumberland County Jail as prosecutors sought a way to bring him back to trail without using his statements. However, Prosecutor J. McRae has told the Mason family that her office is planning to offer a plea deal that would set Henriques free, because it lacks the evidence necessary to retry the case. Personally, I think it is best for him to finish out his term. If he does get out early, there is a chance that Nielsa’s family or friends will try to kill him due to them still being broken heart and looking for revenge.

1st time telling

For the past 3 years, I’ve been battling with a tumor that UPENN the doctors just recently came to conclusion on what it might be. So, here is a little information on what I found, don't be alarmed I'm not dying lol:

Hassard and Michaels first recognized the endolymphatic sac as a possible source of neoplasm when they discovered incidentally a small vascular lobular tumor in the sac during a decompression operation. The endolymphatic sac tumor was previously called "cerebellopontine angle ceruminoma," "extradural choroid plexus papilloma," "metastatic papillary adenocarcinoma of unknown origin," and "middle ear adenoma" The association of endolymphatic sac tumors and von Hippel-Lindau (VHL) disease has been reported. Most endolymphatic sac tumors appear to occur sporadically and an association with VHL disease has been reported rarely. Mukherji, in a multicentric retrospective study of 20 VHL cases, reported only one case of this association. Many authors agree that patients with VHL disease present with greater risk of developing endolymphatic sac tumors, even bilaterally. The prevalence of the latter tumor in VHL disease was estimated to be 7% and this prevalence is much higher in VHL patients with hearing loss. On histopathologic examination, endolymphatic sac tumors show papillary adenomatous architecture, consisting of a complex interdigitating papillary process infiltrating the surrounding connective tissue and bone. The tumor contains areas of hemorrhage, hemosiderin, and cholesterol clefts with scattered inflammatory giant cell reactions. The endolymphatic sac tumor is a slow-growing tumor and may recur locally but has not, to our knowledge, been reported to metastasize. Endolymphatic sac tumors are located in the posterior area of petrous bone and frequently involve the dura; they are hypervascular locally invasive bone-destroying tumors and are frequently associated with the presence of reactive new bone. Unilateral hearing loss and vestibular dysfunction are prominent, but late, symptoms revealing the tumor. The duration of hearing loss ranges from 6 months to 18 years, I was 12 when I loss the hearing in my left ear. Some authors insist on the early diagnosis of endolymphatic sac tumors in patients with VHL disease using audiologic tests and periodic MR screening to detect early papillary endolymphatic sac tumors before the deterioration of audition. Facial nerve palsy is seen once the tumor becomes large. CT and MR findings have strengthened the theory that the endolymphatic sac is the origin of papillary adenomatous tumors of the temporal bone. Indeed, the small endolymphatic sac tumor destroys the retrolabyrinthine petrous bone in the region of the vestibular aqueduct and then spreads to the supra- and infralabyrinthinem and mastoidotympanic regions. The cochlea is always spared. On CT, the tumor bone margins are geographic or "moth-eaten," and the intratumoral bone appears reticular or spiculated. All papillary endolymphatic sac tumors had a thin peripheral rim of calcification, representing the expanded cortex of the petrous bone. Sparing of the jugular foramen helps distinguish the endolymphatic sac tumors from jugulare or jugulotympanic glomic tumors. On MR imaging, the small tumors show heterogeneous signal with a peripheral rim of increased signal intensity, and on T1-weighted images, these tumors show heterogeneous intratumoral contrast enhancement. The presence of intratumoral-scattered areas of increased signal intensity on T1-weighted images is related to the presence of breakdown products of subacute hemorrhage, cholesterol clefts, and proteinaceous cysts in the large tumor. On angiography, the tumor displays a high degree of vascularity, with blood supply from the ascending pharyngeal and stylomastoid arteries.

Free Writing...Casanova

Well I don’t have a true topic tonight. Just have a lot on my mind and decided that I’ll free write for a little hope you like it :)....

Every1 wondered what I saw in him. I guess it was the fact he could make light outta any situation that was grim. We shared intimate conversation in2 the wee hours of the night. While he comforted me to make sure everything was all right. His words soothed me like a lullaby. As the way a mother would quite a baby’s cry. He made love 2 me verbally. As he penetrated me mentally. But never once touched me physically. One time was all it took. Like a drug I was hooked. I soon became just another name in his book. There was Emily Dickinson, Elizabeth Bishop, and Maya Angelou just to name a few. As the long list of names of woman he had wooed continuously grew. He was the Casanova of words. As he enticed each one of us with adjectives, nouns, and verbs. I wondered if he whispered to them the same sweet nothing. As he filled our mind and made us like something. As we shared the same thoughts of the same man. He had us all eating out his hand. Sometimes he would disappear for days at a time. That’s how I knew that he wasn’t all mines. But as soon as I thought of him he would return and everything was fine. He took his rightful place in controlling my mind. With all these women before me. I wasn’t the only one in love with Poetry. With a kiss and a promise to see me later. There’s no doubt Poetry is a player…

This Saddens Me....

I know that Blogs are about having fun, but this is something that has been on my mind for a couple of days. My hometown, Atlantic City, has really gotten out of hand since the Police Chief was forced to let go of 20+ officers last month. Currently I live about 20mins away from the city but it still hits home. In the past 5 weeks, there have been 5 homicides. The part that bothers me the most is that no one is steeping up to the plate to say anything about a shooting. 5 lives, ranging from 19-30 years of age, have been lost over something stupid. No arrests have been made in either case. It’s funny how we claim we’re grown but are still worried about “tattle telling” more than we’re worried about the safety of our children’s future. In all honesty, we really need to stop and think about the future more than “right now”. “Right Now” is only going to last for right now. But our future is as stake and we should have far more concerns about what may happen to our off-spring if we don’t do something now…